Samuel Goldwyn? Bill Keisler? Bobby Wayne? Vladimir Semyonov? Sam Levenson? Laurence J. Peter? Anonymous?
Picture of microphones from Unsplash
Question for Quote Investigator: The following astringent remark perfectly embodies the attitude of a high-handed boss who ignores feedback:
When I want your opinion, I’ll give it to you.
This line has been ascribed to movie mogul Samuel Goldwyn. The statement has also been attributed to the domineering partner of a marriage. Would you please trace this expression?
Reply from Quote Investigator: The earliest match found by QI appeared in “Coronet” magazine in February 1952. Boldface added to excepts by QI:1
In a New York restaurant, a woman was overheard to tell her henpecked husband: “Keep quiet. When I want your opinion I’ll give it to you!” —Bill Keisler
The item above was submitted to a section of “Coronet” called “Grin and Share It” by Bill Keisler. Strictly speaking, the creator of this line was an anonymous woman. The person who recognized its humour was Keisler.
Singer Bobby Wayne received credit for the joke in March 1952. Soviet administrator Vladimir Semyonov received credit in 1953. Samuel Goldwyn received credit in 1965.
Below are details for selected citations in chronological order.
Samuel Goldwyn? Mrs. Jones? Cy Rigler? Margaret Grant? George Bernard Shaw? Harry Rapf? William Brown Meloney? Anonymous?
Picture representing unerring accuracy from Unsplash
Question for Quote Investigator: Samuel Goldwyn was a powerful Hollywood movie mogul who was famous for humorous gaffes. His malapropisms and paradoxes became known as Goldwynisms. For example, while discussing the accuracy of his predictions Goldwyn reportedly said:
I may not always be right, but I’m never wrong.
Unfortunately, the majority of Goldwynisms are apocryphal. Clever lines were crafted by witty people and incorrectly reassigned to Goldwyn. Can you determine whether the line above was spoken or written by Samuel Goldwyn?
Reply from Quote Investigator: A closely matching but more elaborate version of this joke appeared in 1903 within several newspapers such as “The Seattle Post-Intelligencer” of Washington,1 “The Toronto Daily Star” of Canada,2 the “St. Louis Post-Dispatch” of Missouri,3 and “The Philadelphia Inquirer” of Pennsylvania. Each of these newspapers acknowledged a periodical called “Comfort”. Boldface added to excerpts by QI:4
A Distinction Without a Difference
Mr. Jones—It is useless my arguing with a woman who says she is always right.
Mrs. Jones—I never made any such assertion, and it’s utterly cruel and unkind of you to say so. I did not say I was always right. I simply asserted that I was never wrong. — Comfort.
QI tentatively credits this joke to the anonymous creator who published this item in “Comfort” magazine in 1903.
The concise version of this joke has been attributed to a variety of people. For example, in 1935 Major League Baseball umpire Cy Rigler received credit. In 1937 movie producer Harry Rapf received credit. In May 1938 pseudonymous novelist Margaret Grant employed the joke. In June 1938 movie producer Samuel Goldwyn received credit.
Below are additional selected citations in chronological order.
Christopher Hitchens? Brian Crane? Susie Blair? Brian K. Lebowitz? P. G. Wodehouse? Pickles? Muffin the Cat? Roscoe the Dog? Anonymous?
Picture of a dog and a cat from Unsplash
Question for Quote Investigator: The attitudes of dogs and cats differ substantially according to a popular humorous analysis. A dog which receives food, water, care, and affection concludes: “My benefactor is a god”. A cat which receives food, water, care, and affection concludes: “I am a god”.
This notion has been credited to British political commentator Christopher Hitchens, U.S. cartoonist Brian Crane, and others. Would you please explore the provenance of this comical observation?
Reply from Quote Investigator: This notion can be expressed in many ways; hence, it is difficult to trace. The earliest full match located by QI appeared in “Reader’s Digest” magazine in May 1994. Boldface added to excerpts by QI:1
With a dog, you feed him, you give him plenty of affection, you take him for walks and he thinks, “Wow, this guy must be a god.” With a cat, however, you feed him, you love him, you care for him and he thinks, “Wow, I must be a god.” —Contributed by Brian K. Lebowitz
QI tentatively credits Lebowitz as originator although it remains possible that Lebowitz was sharing a joke he acquired from someone else.
Below are additional selected citations in chronological order.
Samuel Butler? Eliza Mary Ann Savage? Ogden Nash? Mandell Creighton? Charles Bowen? George Ferguson Bowen? William Burns? Anonymous?
Norman Garstin’s painting titled “The Rain It Raineth Every Day”
Question for Quote Investigator: A well-known bible verse, Matthew 5:45, discusses God and the weather:1
Your Father who is in heaven, who maketh his sun to rise upon the good and the evil, and raineth upon the just and the unjust.
This Biblical verse has attracted humorous commentary. Here is one version of a joke that has been circulating for more than one-hundred years:
It raineth by th’ eternal laws Upon the just and unjust fella; But mostly on the just, because The unjust steals the just’s umbrella.
This jest has been attributed to the prominent English novelist Samuel Butler, the popular U.S. poet Ogden Nash, the English judge Charles Bowen, the British administrator George Ferguson Bowen, and others. Would you please explore the provenance of this comical analysis?
Reply from Quote Investigator: This joke is difficult to trace because it can be expressed in many ways. A partial match occurred within the 1853 book “Life in New York, in Doors and Out of Doors” illustrated by William Burns. Boldface added to excerpts by QI:2
Heaven makes the rain to fall on the just and the unjust; the just and the unjust resort to umbrellas for protection from too much of the blessing—the former buying them honestly, the latter stealing them dishonestly—and so comes that large class of workers—the umbrella makers.
The above passage did contain the core elements of the joke, but it did not state that the “just” people encountered more raindrops. The omission of this punchline rendered this instance incomplete.
The earliest full match located by QI appeared in October 1879 within the “Bucks County Gazette” of Bristol, Pennsylvania. The newspaper printed a set of miscellaneous quips under the title “Odds and Ends” which included this item:3
It rains alike on the just and the unjust—on the just mainly because the unjust have borrowed their umbrellas.
The creator of the joke was anonymous. The attributions to Samuel Butler, Ogden Nash, Charles Bowen, and George Ferguson Bowen all occurred later, and QI has not yet found substantive support for these attributions.
Below are additional selected citations in chronological order.
Tom Sims? Edgar Allan Poe? Mary Margaret McBride? Sidney K. Bennett? Clayton Rawson? George Stracke? Anonymous?
Illustration of impossible cubes from Pixabay
Question for Quote Investigator: A commonplace warning states that you should not believe everything you hear. But the following extreme version of this caution embodies even greater skepticism:
Don’t believe everything you think.
I once saw this statement on a bumper sticker. Would you please explore the provenance of this proverb?
Reply from Quote Investigator: In 1934 an exact match for the target statement appeared within an astrology column by “Wynn” which was a pseudonym for Sidney K. Bennett. Boldface added to excerpts by QI:1
Don’t believe everything you think, especially today, particularly in money matters and relations with those in money professions, such as bankers, brokers, cashiers, et al.
QI believes that it is not possible to assign authorship of this proverb to a single individual. It developed over time. Here is an overview with dates which summarizes the evolution:
1845: Believe nothing you hear, and only one half that you see (Edgar Allan Poe)
1898: Don’t believe anything you think and only half what you know (Anonymous)
1925: It’s a great life if you don’t believe everything you see, hear, think or know (Tom Sims)
1926: Don’t believe everything you know (Student Verlie)
1930: Don’t believe everything you think and see when watching a football game (George Stracke)
1934: Don’t believe everything you think, especially today (Sidney K. Bennett)
1940: Never believe anything you think at the end of a hard day’s work (Diana)
1949: Don’t believe everything you think (Clayton Rawson)
1953: Don’t believe everything you think you know (Mary Margaret McBride)
1974: Don’t believe everything you think (Advertisement for TV Guide)
1997: Don’t believe everything you think (Bumper sticker)
Below are details for selected citations in chronological order.
Friedrich Nietzsche? Claudia Crawford? Walter Kaufmann? Karl Jaspers? Roland Barthes? Apocryphal?
Picture of a maze with a gazebo from Unsplash
Question for Quote Investigator: In Greek mythology, the Cretan princess Ariadne helped the hero Theseus slay the Minotaur and escape from the labyrinth. Ariadne gave Daedalus a ball of thread so he could successfully navigate through the deadly maze. While contemplating this myth, the famous German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche reportedly wrote the following:
A labyrinthine man never seeks the truth, but only his Ariadne— whatever he may tell us.
I have never seen a solid citation for this remark; hence, I have become skeptical of this attribution. Would you please help me to trace this statement?
Reply from Quote Investigator: Friedrich Nietzsche recorded some of his ideas and impressions in a group of notebooks which were not published while he was alive. The Musarion edition of the “Gesammelte Werke” (“Collected Works”) of Nietzsche included material from these notebooks. The fourteenth volume included a pertinent remark written by Nietzsche while he was working on the important opus “Also sprach Zarathustra” (“Thus Spoke Zarathustra”). This note did not appear directly in “Also sprach Zarathustra”. It was published posthumously. Boldface added to excerpts by QI:1
Ein labyrinthischer Mensch sucht niemals die Wahrheit, sondern immer nur seine Ariadne, — was er uns auch sagen möge.
Here is one possible translation into English:
A labyrinthine person never seeks the truth, but always only his Ariadne – whatever he may tell us.
Below are additional selected citations in chronological order.
Robert Blatchford? Arthur Bugs Baer? Roy K. Moulton? Robert de Saint-Jean? Ford Madox Ford? Georges Clemenceau? P. L. Garvin? Anonymous?
Civilian drone flying above a foggy scene from Unsplash
Question for Quote Investigator: The nature of modern warfare is changing rapidly with new weaponry based on drones and machine learning. Yet, military planners are immersed in studying past battles. Here are two versions of a pertinent maxim:
(1) Generals are always preparing to fight the last war. (2) The military always prepares for the previous war.
Would you please explore the provenance of this saying?
Reply from Quote Investigator: This adage can be expressed in many ways; hence, it is difficult to trace. Below is an overview summarizing the evolution of this saying:
1919 Nov: The ordinary statesman or military man is generally obsessed by bygone ideas and methods. He always prepares for the last war (Robert Blatchford)
1920 Dec: The national motto is: In time of peace prepare for war. We are still preparing for the last war (Arthur “Bugs” Baer)
1923 Jan: The trouble with statesmen who come over here from Europe is that they all come over to fight the last war (Roy K. Moulton)
1927 Feb: A huge fleet is always preparing for the last war, always blind to the probabilities of the future (Anonymous)
1928 Aug: Military correspondents are always preparing for the last war (Pseudonym Civilian)
1929 Jan: There is a tendency in many armies to spend the peace time studying how to fight the last war (Anonymous)
1930 Jan: Naval experts … invariably go on preparing for the “last war” (Anonymous)
1930 Feb: We are always preparing for the last war (Attributed to “very eminent sailor”)
1930 Mar: The war for which the generals prepare is always the last war (Attributed to Ford Madox Ford)
1930 Sep: Our generals always prepared for the previous war (Attributed to unnamed author of a war novel)
1933 Mar: The war the generals always prepare for is the last war (Anonymous)
1933 Apr: All generals always prepare for the last war (Anonymous)
1933 Oct: War always finds the generals preparing for the last war (P. L. Garvin)
1933 Oct: Comme les généraux qui préparent toujours la dernière guerre (Robert de Saint-Jean)
1938: The military always fight the last war over again (Attributed to Georges Clemenceau)
1940 Apr: Generals always prepare for the previous war (Anonymous)
Below are details for selected citations in chronological order.
Mel Brooks? Carl Reiner? Betty Brainerd? Joey Bishop? Kenneth Tynan? S. Sylvan Simon? Anonymous?
Picture of a manhole cover with rising steam from Unsplash
Question for Quote Investigator: What makes something funny? Why do so many people find pratfalls humorous? The difference between comedy and tragedy has been described in a comically cynical remark with a tincture of cruelty:
Tragedy is when I get a paper cut; Comedy is when you fall down a manhole and die.
This statement has been attributed to comedians such as Mel Brooks and Joey Bishop. Would you please help me to find a citation?
Reply from Quote Investigator: In 1962 Carl Reiner and Mel Brooks recorded an album during the Cannes Film Festival which was released in early 1963. During one sketch Mel Brooks played a character called the 2000-Year-Old Man, and Carl Reiner acted as an interviewer. The 2000-Year-Old Man described a person being eaten by a tiger while indicating that observers found this event funny. The interviewer was shocked. Boldface added to excerpts by QI:1
Interviewer (Carl Reiner): I would consider that in the realm of tragedy rather than comedy. How do you differentiate between tragedy and comedy?
2000-Year-Old Man (Mel Brooks): To me, tragedy is if I’ll cut my finger. That’s tragedy. It bleeds, and I’ll cry, and I’ll run around, and I’ll go into Mount Sinai for a day and a half. I’m very nervous about it. And to me, comedy is if you walk into an open sewer and die. What do I care? That’s comedy. My finger is important.
This dialogue includes a pun based on “Mount Sinai” which is a biblical location and a prominent hospital in Manhattan.
The sketch presented above contained the earliest close match located by QI. Mel Brooks deserves credit for this compelling formulation. The general idea is older. Below is an outline showing precursors and variants with dates:
1904: Life is a comedy when you’re well. A tragedy when you’re sick.
1913: Comedy — When he deceives her; Tragedy — When she deceives him.
1934: COMEDY is when you see a fat man take a tumble. TRAGEDY is when you feel your own feet start to stumble! (Attributed to Betty Brainerd)
1950: If you fall down it hurts; if somebody else falls down, it’s funny. (S. Sylvan Simon)
1962: Tragedy is if I’ll cut my finger … comedy is if you walk into an open sewer and die. (Mel Brooks as the 2000-Year-Old Man)
1963: Tragedy is if I’ll cut my finger—comedy is if you’ll walk into an open sewer and die. (Attributed to Mel Brooks by Kenneth Tynan)
1964: If I hurt my finger it’s a tragedy, but if you fall down a manhole, it’s funny. (Attributed to Joey Bishop)
1977: If you fall down a manhole that’s funny. If I cut my finger that is tragedy. (Mel Brooks)
1988: Comedy is when a man slips on a banana peel and tragedy is when you, yourself, take the fall (Old saw)
1989: Comedy is when somebody else falls and breaks his neck, while tragedy is when I stub my toe. (Attributed to Mel Brooks)
1990: If you would be walking on the street in a tuxedo and slip on a banana peel and fall down a manhole and break your head that would be comedy. If I would get a paper cut on my finger that would be tragedy. (Attributed to Mel Brooks)
1993: Tragedy is when I get a paper cut; comedy is when you fall into an open manhole and die. (Attributed to Mel Brooks)
1995: Tragedy is when I cut my finger; comedy is when you fall down a well and die. (Joe Fiorito)
2000: If I fall and stub my toe, that’s tragedy, if you fall and stub your toe, that’s comedy. (Attributed to anonymous by Peter Boyle)
Charles de Gaulle? Leonardo Da Vinci? André Maurois? Gerard Hopkins? Anonymous?
Chess configuration which symbolizes a fallen authority
Question for Quote Investigator: A pithy speech is more powerful than a long-winded oration. Concision amplifies potency. Here are two versions of this idea:
Nothing strengthens authority so much as silence. Nothing enhances authority more than silence.
This statement has been credited to the French statesman Charles de Gaulle and the Italian polymath Leonardo da Vinci. I am skeptical of these attributions because I have never seen a solid citation. Would you please explore this topic?
Reply from Quote Investigator: In 1931 Charles de Gaulle published an article titled “Du Prestige” (“Of Prestige”) in the French military journal “Revue Militaire Française”. The following passage discussed speeches delivered by leaders. Boldface added to excerpts by QI:1
La sobriété du discours accentue le relief de l’attitude. Rien ne rehausse l’autorité mieux que le silence, splendeur des forts et refuge des faibles, pudeur des orgueilleux et fierté des humbles, prudence des sages et esprit des sots. Pour l’homme qui désire ou qui tremble, le mouvement naturel est de chercher dans les mots un dérivatif à l’angoisse.
In 1932 Charles de Gaulle published “Le Fil de l’épée” (“The Edge of the Sword”) which included the article “Du Prestige”.2 Translator Gerard Hopkins rendered this work into English in 1960. The paragraph above appeared as follows:3
Sobriety of speech supplies a useful contrast to theatricality of manner. Nothing more enhances authority than silence. It is the crowning virtue of the strong, the refuge of the weak, the modesty of the proud, and pride of the humble, the prudence of the wise, and the sense of fools. The man who is moved by desire or fear is naturally led to seek relief in words.
QI has not found any substantive support for the ascription of the statement under examination to Leonardo Da Vinci who died in 1519. Da Vinci implausibly received credit in 2004.
Below are additional selected citations in chronological order.
Vernor Vinge? Hans Moravec? Irving John Good? Apocryphal?
Picture of a butterfly near a purple-petaled flower from Unsplash
Question for Quote Investigator: The creation of entities with superhuman intelligence would mark a new epoch in human history. Systems which outperform humans in tasks such determining 3D protein structures or playing the boardgame Go already exist. But these AI systems display narrow expertise.
The advent of systems with general superhuman capabilities would be earthshattering. Technological growth might accelerate beyond human conception. This transition period has been called the singularity. While contemplating this topic a professor wrote:
Falling into the singularity is admittedly a frightening thing, but now we might regard ourselves as caterpillars who will soon be butterflies.
The professor also wrote:
We are on the edge of change comparable to the rise of human life on Earth.
These statements have been attributed to the computer scientist and science fiction author Vernor Vinge. Would you please help me to find citations?
Reply from Quote Investigator: In 1983 Vernor Vinge wrote an opinion piece for “Omni” magazine which included the following passage. Boldface added to excerpts by QI:1
The evolution of human intelligence took millions of years. We will devise an equivalent advance in a fraction of that time. We will soon create intelligences greater than our own.
When this happens, human history will have reached a kind of singularity, an intellectual transition as impenetrable as the knotted space-time at the center of a black hole, and the world will pass far beyond our understanding.
The final paragraph of Vinge’s 1983 article stated the following:
Falling into the singularity is admittedly a frightening thing, but now we might regard ourselves as caterpillars who will soon be butterflies and, when we look to the stars, take that vast silence as evidence of other races already transformed.
In March 1993 a symposium called “VISION-21: Interdisciplinary Science and Engineering in the Era of Cyberspace” took place in Westlake, Ohio. Vernor Vinge delivered a paper titled “The Coming Technological Singularity: How to Survive in the Post-Human Era”. Vinge presented a sobering prediction about technological advancement:2
Within thirty years, we will have the technological means to create superhuman intelligence. Shortly after, the human era will be ended.
The year 2023 occurred thirty years after Vinge’s article appeared. Vinge also discussed the monumental changes he believed would soon engulf humanity:
The acceleration of technological progress has been the central feature of this century. I argue in this paper that we are on the edge of change comparable to the rise of human life on Earth. The precise cause of this change is the imminent creation by technology of entities with greater than human intelligence.
Below are additional selected citations in chronological order.
