Anne Lamott? Robin Norwood? Linda Ann Loschiavo? Brené Brown? Pamela Meyer? Anonymous?

Question for Quote Investigator: The urge to help others usually indicates a generous and loving spirit, but sometimes this urge disguises a desire for power and domination. The following saying highlights this hidden motivation:
Help is the sunny side of control.
This saying has been attributed to writer Anne Lamott, family therapist Robin Norwood, social work expert Brené Brown, and others. Would you please explore the provenance of this remark?
Reply from Quote Investigator: The earliest match found by QI appeared within a 1984 article about alcoholism and codependency published in the “Santa Barbara News-Press” of California. The article quoted marriage and family therapist Robin Norwood who employed the saying; however, an unnamed friend received credit for the saying. Boldface added to excerpts by QI:1
Control comes to the addicted person disguised as help. Ms. Norwood agrees with a friend, who told her, “Help is the sunny side of control.”
Here is an overview presenting dates, attributions, and variant phrasings:
1984 Feb: Help is the sunny side of control. (Attributed to unnamed friend by Robin Norwood)
1985: Help is the sunny side of control. (Message on a sign by an unknown creator as described by Robin Norwood in her book “Women Who Love Too Much”)
1987 Jan: Caring is the sunny side of control. (Linda Ann Loschiavo)
2000: Helpfulness is just the bright side of control. (Pamela Meyer)
2012 Apr: Help is the sunny side of control. (Anne Lamott in “Redbook” magazine)
2017 Apr: Help is the sunny side of control. (Anne Lamott in a TED Talk)
2019: Help is the sunny side of control. (Attributed to Anne Lamott by Catherine O’Kane)
Below are details for selected citations in chronological order.
Continue reading “Quote Origin: Help Is the Sunny Side of Control”

